Sunday, November 1, 2009

Expanding Waistlines and Standards


While searching for the perfect Halloween costume, I stumbled across two double-take moments. The first was weight-loss advertisement on my Facebook sidebar. It advertises that in a mere four weeks you can go from having a having a soft but relatively healthy physique to being cut. This eye-brow raising commercial struck me odd: in an age of increasing waistlines, have our standards for physical perfection actually increased? It makes sense to me when a promotion that shows an orca losing half its body weight to reveal a person beneath. Sure, if I looked like that, I’d be quick to try any weight-loss program thrown at me by cheap internet marketing. Apparently we’re now feeling self-conscious about being a bit cushy. Surely most men would choose the Brad Pitt figure, but I think many men would also be okay with Michael Buble’, especially if it meant easy maintenance and they had something else to offer, like, you know, personality.

Update: I just added two more pictures demonstrating my befuddlement. Are most men this insecure about their bodies they can't be satisfied with looking like the men in 'before' pictures?

Similarly, I came across a couple online debates over who is hotter: Lucy Pinder or Keeley Hazell (NSFW). I don’t know much about these girls, other than what media needs me to know: they’re smoking hot and I’m never, ever going to end up with anything even remotely as attractive as them – sorry future wife. Why, then, are we arguing about this on the internet? Like a speed of light physics calculation, we are arguing the difference between a 9.999 and a 9.998. This feels a bit like that "Really!?!" segment on SNL. If I thought I had a real chance with either of these women, I would be more than willing to shoot up a theater of New Moon watching tweens (even if it didn’t work out, what have we lost?) And of course, all the people arguing this subject probably look like me. A little self-awareness is in order. Let me simplify: if you’re arguing over the physicality of gorgeous models on internet message boards, you will never have a gorgeous model.

The same goes for those who mock these people on their blogs.